If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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