I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
