remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i will never coherently bang her
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
