get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
