This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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