Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
