I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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