If i could tip my vagina, i would.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
