I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
