Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
