So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
