if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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