mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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