"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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