the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i now understand why vodka
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
