y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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