She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
