They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
