WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She's the barista slut.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize