idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
