then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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