i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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