we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize