if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
