What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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