12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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