Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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