judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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