You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just invented taco cereal.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize