she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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