Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
