I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
