Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
