Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
