apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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