you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
