she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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