I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
