Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My vagina is officially offended.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
