what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
