I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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