I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
