Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's rum buckets o'clock
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
