Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
