this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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