i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
