"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
