Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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