What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
