True but thats because hes a fetus.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize