You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
