what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
