a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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