It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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