Whatcha textin bout Willis?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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