I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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