one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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