Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
