We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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