I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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