you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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