New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
