I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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