she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
