I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
