If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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