I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
