Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
